These urges want leave me?

Okay so on the weekend i have planned to some how get panadol and overdose on a whole box (100 tablets) ive done it before and i was in ICU for 5 days im thinking that if i cut my wrist too than theres more chance of death because of the blood lose and the OD. I cant take this anymore, ill do this while im on weekend leave from hospital but ill do it just before its time to come back so my family dont have to clean the mess up. YES YES i know its still selfish that the nurses are going to have to deal with it but i cant hurt my family anymore and if i do succed than i want my family to be told not see it! I dont know if ill have enough energy by the time the weeks over to go through with the act, i just feel so alone and i cant take much more of anything!